Yesterday, i watched "seeking a friend for the end of the world" with peeg. The movie is cliche, it really is about the end of the world coming, and how you should do whatever that needs to be done before you regret it. Then i dreamt about the whole end of the world thing, and realised that if the end really did come, then I'll want to stay right beside you.

Which overwhelms me with a whole surge of emotions indescribable. I suddenly think of life as something so abstract. I cant decipher what's good about life anymore. I thought of my aunt, fighting cancer, thought about all those people in the world fighting. Thought of myself here, without a clue, living my life so carefree like i haven't notice the ongoing battles of every individual in the world.

We were born, then we grew up, then we did whatever we can in the short lifespan we have, then we die. So, it makes me start the entire whirl of thoughts in my mind about Purpose. What's the purpose of it all. Besides, what's with all the bonds carved throughout the whole span of time called life. It makes things more difficult, makes partings unbearable, makes life so full of ..fullness, happiness, makes love so noble, makes loneliness so tormenting, and above all of these, it makes life the way living is. But what is the Purpose.

Everyone who said they'll be right beside you, eventually leaves. Either to the ending of a relationship of friends or lovers, or even to death, they still leave anyway. And when they're gone, the bad effects of bonds kick in.

It's just not fair. To live, only to know that the ending is death. Who really knows what living to the fullest is. It's not like you can compare your previous lives to the current one and go " Ahh, i have lived my life to the fullest" The fact that we can never know anything until the minute where our lives flash past our eyes just seconds before we depart the world makes living so... pointless.


I don't know whats with me right now, all overwhelmed with all these thoughts, these grief, and the angst.


I just don't know if I'm living my life right. I hope i am, if being happy means living is right, then i guess i am.