EILEEN LOO YI ZHEN;
Monday, June 22, 2009
11:11 PM
tuesday 23rd june 2009
they really thought its like that. looks like, even my family members, they dont even know the real me. i always thought they knew, i always thought so. i was really disappointed. they think its like that, they're family, yet, they cant look past all the facades and actions i've put up and done. i called people i wished someone will just tell me those three words : It is okay.
Looks like i dont have friends either. there are people that i wish i could confide in, but i know i never can. i wonder, wehn all these will stop.
when will someone tell me its okay. I hid myself in the bathroom and cried out loud. Mom was angry because of that. Angry you know. Anger.
IN me, there was this surge of irrepressible disappointment. i had thought she'd understand me. i feel really bad now. i really wanna let go of this entire jc crap life, i wish someone would understand and ...
just three words you know.
it is okay.
they really thought its like that. looks like, even my family members, they dont even know the real me. i always thought they knew, i always thought so. i was really disappointed. they think its like that, they're family, yet, they cant look past all the facades and actions i've put up and done. i called people i wished someone will just tell me those three words : It is okay.
Looks like i dont have friends either. there are people that i wish i could confide in, but i know i never can. i wonder, wehn all these will stop.
when will someone tell me its okay. I hid myself in the bathroom and cried out loud. Mom was angry because of that. Angry you know. Anger.
IN me, there was this surge of irrepressible disappointment. i had thought she'd understand me. i feel really bad now. i really wanna let go of this entire jc crap life, i wish someone would understand and ...
just three words you know.
it is okay.
Friday, June 19, 2009
7:15 AM
sappy sweet and sad
sappy sweet and sad
Listen, to this song- The circle game, by Joni Mitchell.
Listening to this song just makes me feel very ... it's been a long time since i felt this way.
goodbye, jiayou jiayou.
Go round and round,
Listening to this song just makes me feel very ... it's been a long time since i felt this way.
goodbye, jiayou jiayou.
Go round and round,
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
11:52 PM
halo halo halo baby.
halo halo halo baby.
i feel so stagnant, since the past few years, i have not grown, i have not matured. im still silly and childish. took me quite some courage to realise, and i really see everyone moving. i want to move and grow up, yet, i dont know which direction i should head.
it's time to run.
Great grand piano night last night, lets do it again.
it's time to run.
Great grand piano night last night, lets do it again.
Labels: since then.
Monday, June 15, 2009
9:34 AM
i want you to throw a pebble at me, and aim for my head.
i want you to throw a pebble at me, and aim for my head.
yes, exactly like what the title says. Seriously, i get what you guys mean when you all tell me stuffs about moving on and all, i know maybe you guys have experienced them in one way or another, and i know that it is the most practical and normal thing to do. but i am, me, myself. i dont know how to go about making myself do it, and i understand that it is a natural phenomenon. So, please, dont force me.
i'm looking for the bridge over troubled waters. you can save me, or you can pick up a nearest pebble beside those waters and blank me on my head.
goodnight.
i'm looking for the bridge over troubled waters. you can save me, or you can pick up a nearest pebble beside those waters and blank me on my head.
goodnight.
Labels: i really want you to, not forget.
Saturday, June 13, 2009
6:46 AM
one two, steal my heart and hold my tongue
one two, steal my heart and hold my tongue
And if the moon had to runaway
And all the stars didn't wanna play
Don't waste the sun on a rainy day
The wind will soon blow it all away.
By Jet- Shine on.
I know some things happen, even when we dont want it to.
We desperately wanna turn back time to moments, snippets of our lives that we really treasure and wanna live them all over again.
When we somehow, somewhat, in a way, accidentally unlock these memories that were previously double-taped and caged by chains, we find ourselves cry. But, for what, for what do we cry, when the memories are happy? We do, because we want to live them again, we want to be happy like how we were last time.
Look for the girl with the broken smile,
ask her if she wanna stay awhile.
And she will be loved.
Today, at 819, i went down to the basketball court with my brother. Both of us were feeling pretty shitty, I was because some stuffs which really kept me from smiling all day, and my brother was, because my dad had banned him from the computer, and a password was even set to prevent his access to it. Basketball, it always allows me to vent all my frustrations, the pent up anger. All the feelings i felt about myself, against myself, all came rushing out like torrents. I hate to post something like that up here, it sucks, but i dont really wanna call anyone to talk about it, i dont wanna tell anyone about it, i really just wanna blog, and listen to songs and wallow in all these stinky swamps of emotions.
Sobs . . . . Why.
It's like we're letting go of something special
Something we'll never have again.
Anyway, i didnt exactly feel fantastic after basketball today, even though i had sweat like mad. Forget it.
I'm really tired. After all, i am not a robot,
Bye.
Happy Birthday to you, Ellene. (:
The world is just so demanding, just be happy about yourself.
And all the stars didn't wanna play
Don't waste the sun on a rainy day
The wind will soon blow it all away.
By Jet- Shine on.
I know some things happen, even when we dont want it to.
We desperately wanna turn back time to moments, snippets of our lives that we really treasure and wanna live them all over again.
When we somehow, somewhat, in a way, accidentally unlock these memories that were previously double-taped and caged by chains, we find ourselves cry. But, for what, for what do we cry, when the memories are happy? We do, because we want to live them again, we want to be happy like how we were last time.
Look for the girl with the broken smile,
ask her if she wanna stay awhile.
And she will be loved.
Today, at 819, i went down to the basketball court with my brother. Both of us were feeling pretty shitty, I was because some stuffs which really kept me from smiling all day, and my brother was, because my dad had banned him from the computer, and a password was even set to prevent his access to it. Basketball, it always allows me to vent all my frustrations, the pent up anger. All the feelings i felt about myself, against myself, all came rushing out like torrents. I hate to post something like that up here, it sucks, but i dont really wanna call anyone to talk about it, i dont wanna tell anyone about it, i really just wanna blog, and listen to songs and wallow in all these stinky swamps of emotions.
Sobs . . . . Why.
It's like we're letting go of something special
Something we'll never have again.
Anyway, i didnt exactly feel fantastic after basketball today, even though i had sweat like mad. Forget it.
I'm really tired. After all, i am not a robot,
Bye.
Happy Birthday to you, Ellene. (:
The world is just so demanding, just be happy about yourself.
Labels: Just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
6:43 AM
there's no one else?
there's no one else?
Joseph Tng:
Secondary 1.
Haha, this photo's still with me! (:
uber cute back then, so.. haha.
nah nehmind, nights!
Labels: oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
5:29 AM
its like we were letting go of somethng special
its like we were letting go of somethng special
Yesterday:
We went out.
The highlight of yesterday's outing was that, i dropped my ice cream on the floor. nono, i didnt drop it, they fell. i felt so sad, totally grieving over it because i really love ice cream, especially mint. it sucks man, i hate you swensens.
i remembered those cartoon characters, that, you know, when their ice creams drop, they'll start crying and stuffs, i thought, for a moment i was gonna cry, so stupid.
Yuans dropped hers also. Together man, yuans.
Sher, yuans, eileen, visha.
Unglam huh.
Sushi . love sushi-s
laugh laugh laugh.
still grieving over the ice creams.
feminine, visha said so.
i dont really like doing the mirror shots stuffs, i find it.. awkward.
happiness with sushi?
We went out.
The highlight of yesterday's outing was that, i dropped my ice cream on the floor. nono, i didnt drop it, they fell. i felt so sad, totally grieving over it because i really love ice cream, especially mint. it sucks man, i hate you swensens.
i remembered those cartoon characters, that, you know, when their ice creams drop, they'll start crying and stuffs, i thought, for a moment i was gonna cry, so stupid.
Yuans dropped hers also. Together man, yuans.
Sher, yuans, eileen, visha.
Unglam huh.
Sushi . love sushi-s
laugh laugh laugh.
still grieving over the ice creams.
feminine, visha said so.
i dont really like doing the mirror shots stuffs, i find it.. awkward.
happiness with sushi?
And today, i woke up late.
I went to joseph's house to study, and it was really nice, we caught up with each other, and chatted for a really long time while we were at the ' Top Floor' of his house. It was amazing up there. the scenery was picturesque. I especially love this one cloud, where i thought i saw some silver lining thing. awesome, i felt the tranquility there, and i felt so safe. From what, only i will know. It was a rather tense feeling i was having, that kept me on my toes, not literally.
his house's so peaceful, i felt like sitting there till forever?
nah, imposing.
thanks for being such great host, joseph.
i enjoyed it, every minute, laughing studying and talking.
i'm tired. i feel afraid of something i dont wanna tell anyone though i told someone today. i dont know how i should feel about it, i just hope this feeling goes away real fast.
i dont wanna have a bad impression of you, too.
goodbye. goodnight.
Labels: i guess i really really know.
Monday, June 8, 2009
11:57 PM
when in china, do as the chinese.... wha-at?
when in china, do as the chinese.... wha-at?
a hot drink when we're cold.
oh my god i so love this (:
you yu tan and eileen hahaha. beanie club.
and its yizhe's beanie im wearing.
room mates again (:
wake up sleepy heads, yi hao and nicholas (:
Yuans and i, the usual stupid smirking ugly faces.
Xinyi and i. she took care of me when i was ill. thank you.
when i was down with fever during the trip, people offered me clothings, warmth. and thermometers too, thanks yihao and ham!
santas haha. we are representatives from the eurasian team (:
ummm lousy santa.
yuans and i, i think it was before we left for china.
Yeah i know the yellow thing is sticking out haha.
before we left.
my pretty room mate!
Yizhe and i used to share apples.
nicholas took this. artistic much (:
quite a stupid looking face, like those that will get cheated easily.
(: we're on our way.. home, the village.
eileen, lisa, careen.
blue blue blue.
pause hesitate, who deserves a balloon?
nicholas and i and yizhe too! before we left, logistics.
Sunday, June 7, 2009
5:04 AM
Tree hugger,
Tree hugger,
The flower said, "I wish I was a tree,"
The tree said, "I wish I could be
A different kind of tree,
The cat wished that it was a bee,
The turtle wished that it could fly
Really high into the sky,
Over rooftops and then dive
Deep into the sea.
And in the sea there is a fish,
A fish that has a secret wish,
A wish to be a big cactus
With a pink flower on it.
And in the sea there is a fish,
A fish that has a secret wish,
A wish to be a big cactus
With a pink flower on it.
And the flower
Would be its offering
Of love to the desert.
And the desert,
So dry and lonely,
That the creatures all
Appreciate the effort.
And the rattlesnake said,
"I wish I had hands so
I could hug you like a man."
And then the cactus said,
"Don't you understand,
My skin is covered with sharp spikes
That'll stab you like a thousand knives.
A hug would be nice,
But hug my flower with your eyes."
The flower said, "I wish I was a tree,"
The tree said, "I wish I could be
A different kind of tree,
The cat wished that it was a bee,
The turtle wished that it could fly
Really high into the sky,
Over rooftops and then dive
Deep into the sea.
And in the sea there is a fish,
A fish that has a secret wish,
A wish to be a big cactus
With a pink flower on it.
And in the sea there is a fish,
A fish that has a secret wish,
A wish to be a big cactus
With a pink flower on it.
And the flower
Would be its offering
Of love to the desert.
And the desert,
So dry and lonely,
That the creatures all
Appreciate the effort.
really addicted to this song (:
i feel damn lazy, and i didnt do a single shit today. damn damn damn.
rasina and plan A, action!
The tree said, "I wish I could be
A different kind of tree,
The cat wished that it was a bee,
The turtle wished that it could fly
Really high into the sky,
Over rooftops and then dive
Deep into the sea.
And in the sea there is a fish,
A fish that has a secret wish,
A wish to be a big cactus
With a pink flower on it.
And in the sea there is a fish,
A fish that has a secret wish,
A wish to be a big cactus
With a pink flower on it.
And the flower
Would be its offering
Of love to the desert.
And the desert,
So dry and lonely,
That the creatures all
Appreciate the effort.
And the rattlesnake said,
"I wish I had hands so
I could hug you like a man."
And then the cactus said,
"Don't you understand,
My skin is covered with sharp spikes
That'll stab you like a thousand knives.
A hug would be nice,
But hug my flower with your eyes."
The flower said, "I wish I was a tree,"
The tree said, "I wish I could be
A different kind of tree,
The cat wished that it was a bee,
The turtle wished that it could fly
Really high into the sky,
Over rooftops and then dive
Deep into the sea.
And in the sea there is a fish,
A fish that has a secret wish,
A wish to be a big cactus
With a pink flower on it.
And in the sea there is a fish,
A fish that has a secret wish,
A wish to be a big cactus
With a pink flower on it.
And the flower
Would be its offering
Of love to the desert.
And the desert,
So dry and lonely,
That the creatures all
Appreciate the effort.
really addicted to this song (:
i feel damn lazy, and i didnt do a single shit today. damn damn damn.
rasina and plan A, action!
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
6:59 AM
skip beat.
skip beat.
when you're sick, life feel as though it;s moving at an annoying slow pace. and falling ill on the first day of the month doesnt feel good, and it doenst feel right. Being sick, it ties me to my bed the whole day, when i could have made use of the time more wisely, like studying instead of just immobilizing myself there on the bed, checking my temperature, and sadly, checking my phone for any solace and company.
I hate to be alone when i am ill, because i'll always wake up amidst some dreams i have, dreams that are scary, making me break out in beads of perspiration, or dreams that are so sweet, it lingers and stabs me with a knife of longing, nostalgia, and wishing i could live them again. it is a scary thing, and in between all these, there is the immense guilt of wasting my time on the bed when im s'posed to be mugging.
this sucks, i feel terrible, physically and mentally.
And i didnt get to hear the chimes for mayday on 1st june.
1st june marks the end of 3 months since grandmother passed away.
June 7- we'll visit her grave, for the first and last time This Year, and then we'll have to wait for next year's festival, before we can see her again.
Please let me get well soon.
I hate to be alone when i am ill, because i'll always wake up amidst some dreams i have, dreams that are scary, making me break out in beads of perspiration, or dreams that are so sweet, it lingers and stabs me with a knife of longing, nostalgia, and wishing i could live them again. it is a scary thing, and in between all these, there is the immense guilt of wasting my time on the bed when im s'posed to be mugging.
this sucks, i feel terrible, physically and mentally.
And i didnt get to hear the chimes for mayday on 1st june.
1st june marks the end of 3 months since grandmother passed away.
June 7- we'll visit her grave, for the first and last time This Year, and then we'll have to wait for next year's festival, before we can see her again.
Please let me get well soon.
Labels: fallen and cant get up.