I dont know how to start. I guess, all i can start off with, is by saying, i didnt take my math paper 2 today. I feel the dejection, i feel the sadness, and on top of it all, i feel the disappointment. I disappoint Mr Chee again. Again. Again. and again. I studied so hard for it, and i didnt get to take it. I am running a fever, 38.6 degrees celcius, my nose wont stop dripping mucus, and my throat is just getting from bad to worse. i'm waiting to go to the doctor as i type this, and thinking, how yihao and the rest will have handed up their papers right now. it just makes me sad.

mom told me not to think about it, but thinking about it, this is the first time i failed to take a major exam, despite the time i spent mugging for it.

Yihao asked me, " what are you trying to prove?" as he held an umbrella for me in the rain yesterday. I didnt even realise that i had an umbrella above my head, i was so close to tears. And he was standing right outside the cap of the umbrella, it made me feel even worse. Thank you, i really cant find any words to speak of my gratitude. I dont know what i am trying to prove, i really dont know.

When they're gone, then the real sadness sets in. They went off for dinner, and i sat alone at the bus stop. The surroundings, it was so quiet, i sat there and started sobbing. I felt terrible physically, mentally, and emotionally. I didnt realise that the bus had stopped at the bus stop, and i apologised to the bus driver, who gave me such a kind smile, i felt like i dont deserve that smile. Everything felt like it was crumbling, it was a terrible day of my life.

The rain is pouring outside now, i wanna run out and run in the rain, but there's chemistry paper tomorrow. and i need to get well.

Here's something a friend told me ;

When you feel neglected, think of a female salmon who lays 3 million eggs, but nobody remembers her on mothers' day.

Goodbye, i hope everything went well for you guys.