Hey. i feel infuriated, and trapped by my own thoughts. firstly, i'll like to say that i think i am gonna wanna let go of this person in my life. that person, i dont even think i know him/her at all. I just dont wanna try to get to know him/her anymore. Tired of all the shows. Besides, i dont even know if i have known him/her in the first place. I confided in mommy about this, and she told me a few valuable stuffs that i'll keep close to my heart. I won't share them here, but you guys probably have heard of them before anyway, moms are all the same. Recently, i feel like i've become someone who doesnt care about what people say of me, i dont really like to joke that much anymore, adn i dont care if i actually feel belonged to anyway. i just wanna study hard. i try to stay awake in classes and lectures, and i tried to attempt tutorials even when they deemed so challenging i feel so exasperated. Maybe i have changed, but mom said, maybe i've been like this all the time. Because the girl she sees at home always is so engrossed in her studies, so i actually have this side of me in me all the time, it is probably that i dont manifest that in school, and for what reasons i do not know of. And i have decided that there is no point trying to make myself speak chinese in school already, since chinese a levels is now over, i miss being the eileen of damai secondary school. Miss talking to rasina in english all the time, miss sitting right at the corner of the classroom near the door, miss being responsible for switching the lights on and off when teachers use the projector, miss feeling the sense of belonging to the NE garden, the NE room, and to the NE ambassadors. At least all these gave me a sense of belonging. this is getting a tad too nostalgic, but yeah i really love to ramble on. Haniffa will understand, because we belonged to 4E1! damn damn damn, confided in Rasina just now, and it felt so great becauser all along. i only have one best and one true friend, and thats her. It is like she knows what i wanna ay even when i havent said them at all, and she is just as mad at me. But we get serious together, and we do work seriously, together. Those were the big fat legs days girl. Anyway, i have thought alot, i always have, and i witnessed my growth, my maturity, just yesterday. I won't use any incidents to support that, but i know myself, i have. I no longer wanna kid around, i just wanna study, yes, although i still question the inevitable thought of why i am studying so hard when i ain;t really interested, i just wanna push that though aside, i have gotten some motivation, and i wanna show this special person that i will not disappoint him, and will not make him waver his faith or trust in me.
Despite all the setbacks, it's really time to stand up against all these shit and get life going, get myself out of the lazy couch and be serious. Mr Adrian Tan said there's only 32 weeks to A levels, and someone told me that there is no point getting scared or panicky oer it because it will come, and i just gotta start studying for it. now. Enlightened, definitely. And hey, something random, last week's literature lessonon great ex was really fun, seriously, it really made me laugh so much, especially when i rarely feel myself laugh that hard these days. Haniffa, bitch partners yo!
On a Totally RANDOM note, these days have been ridiculously warm. The heat is unbearably irritating, and i wonder, is it, that people are getting so freaked over spontaneous combustions that they make themselves fart so so much, releasing all that methane in addition to the cows' contributions, causing the depletion of our precious ozone layer!
Fart in moderation people, im not saying that its good to keep your farts in- you may just combust if you build up so much of that methane in your tummies, but come on, fart in Moderation.
Goodnight.
Labels: does it speaks of love?