Pugilistic Society.
I never knew what made me join it. I remember the day when i first put my name down for it, the first senior who was ever so nice to me, who gave me a yupi candy, who subsequently became the first senior i was close to - Terrypuppy. Terrypuppy who took 22 home with us despite the fact that it wasn't convenient for him, who walked me back to my house and then how we joked of where i had stayed like under that bush and what i eat for a living. terrypuppy who is so good in basketball, and who became a confidant.

In the CCA, i did many things i never consider myself to ever do, or be capable of doing. It's like, i am weak, yes i am, but i was always pushed to my maximum potential. Then, the rest of the 29th batch members fell in.

And then i was introduced to the president of pugilistic- keeyong. He appeared strict at first, and i was so scared, my mind filled with all sorts of insecurities like, what if i cant do this, and so on, you know how paranoia feeds on fears and insecurities. But keeyong's like a durian, he's soft on the inside though he looks fierce. And he really is the best president of all times, and he's really capable too.

Then the others- tongpei- the boy who at first wanted to go to poly, and that was the first time i came to know of him, who shared the same passion of anime, and who was the drummer for the batch, with his own written 'scores' and i was flabbergasted by those scores he wrote which i didnt understand.

Jieyang- the mega joker, who taught us the gun qiu yun dong, who i was first amazed by because of his outstanding split. And how he always made fun of jiaolian, and how his face always turned red almost as immediately and how red an apple it looked like.

Thats about the seniors i am close to, the others, i do know them, it's just i rarely talked to them, and they're all gone now. I'll never regret that day when i signed up for this CCA, the time lost to pugilistic, which i dont wanna reconcile.

Yesterday marked the end of 1 year in pugilistic i guess, the last performance- college day. I remember a year back, on the same fateful day, was college day too, and how we wore a different set of costumes, and how confused i had looked, while trying to play the cymbals. Yes, i am never good enough for big things in pugi, nevertheless, i've got encouragements from people in there that can last more than a lifetime. We wore yellow yesterday, the first time, luminous, bright.

It was a nostalgic day, and we saw the seniors who came back to get their award for doing well. I feel so proud of them, because they really deserve the credit. Yesterday felt like, everything's gonna end and a whole load of memories flooded my mind, i am sure the other J2s felt it too, for there was this heavy sense of solemn-ness in the air, and despite the fact that i had shrugged it off and played along with the J1s, cracking jokes, and be an immature kid, i had felt this entire maelstrom of emotions rushing at me. The many fun times we had, and it made me think so much yesterday. Pugilistic, will end for me soon, because it's still a few more weeks to go, and then? end of pugilistic for me.

Then i realised why i joined pugilistic- because i had told myself i wanted to try something new instead of sticking to my own convention, instead of being a Coward. Although i hadn't suddenly became a professional at the lions or what, i did learn alot of different skills, and i guess that is all that matters. And ellene is right, there is a time to get together, and a time to separate. It's just that separating is so much more difficult, and maybe we'll deal with it, and maybe we won't.

And tongpei, i understand now, even if it's just a fragment, a little bit, i understand now, the fellowship, the togetherness in pugilistic.

Maybe i've grown up, with broader perspectives (not the book) , maybe i've known it all along, but just too confused to acknowledge it, but whatever it is, it was a great CCA, and i know, i know it, i am meant to be here, where i am.

There's a pretty picture, we made it, but it's now time to leave this picture, wonder if we can ever find courage to step out of it.

Labels: it ends tonight.