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    Thursday, February 12, 2009 12:25 AM
    It doesnt seem right, to look you in the eyes

    Hmmm, i havent blogged for a very long time right. Anyway, days have been passing really fast! You know, with those truckloads of homework, and the fear of the block tests. I am indeed stressed, but then for some really weird reason, i feel really happy these days. I think lesser, fall asleep much faster, and dance my way home to the songs played on my mp3. I enjoy being a wanton, a simpleton, and a singleton. Speaking of which, Valentine's Day is just round the corner!

    J1s are invading the exclusiveness of the J2s, the feeling of having the entire school to just the J2s alone is lost, and those noisy J1s are really getting on my nerves. Yet, i was so nice to them during the CCA bazaar yesterday! Lol, so hypocritival right? No choice, really have to get more people to join us! Yesterday, i really felt that the pugilistic members and alumni (jieyang and weiliang) really worked very very tremendously hard to get people, and we managed to get 44 names, although, obviously, we know that some people just put their names down to patronize us, but it was really satisfying to get at least a double digit (:

    I also wanna say that i miss China. Lol, very very random i know. It's just, although the meat there has got this pork smell which makes me refrain from eating it, and stick to vegetarian, and although the toilets there are horrible, i just wanna sit down somewhere on a piece of dusty road and just watch the scenery. Over there in the village, there is almost always, this complete serenity which i can never get here in singapore. What a pity.

    Block tests coming block tests coming!!! I feel scared just thinking about my future, because i havent thought of what i wanna do after A levels. I envy those who already have their roads laid out, and you know, they just run and catch up with their dreams. I dont know what i wanna do, but inspite of that, it doesnt matter if i have something to keep me going or not, i know i'll try my bestest and bestest, because thats what i am in a JC for right? I guess i am not the only stressed one out here, and so, to the J2s out there, JIAYOU! (:

    You know, recently, for some weird reasons, i have stopped thinking of the past, of love and what it is made up of. For some reason, i dont find myself thinking of the guy who i felt sad over last year or what, because there is no point, and really man, i am a happier person. Suddenly, i dont see the point on being sad over it anymore, for, i dont know, i really dont, but as long as i have lips and teeth, i will smile rather than cry.

    I have only got two hands,
    and i'll never learn to dance,

    But i am just contented with that haha (:

    One thing thats really bad is my health. Taking a toll on me. the stupid gastric. i wish i didnt get it, i wish i ate my meals on time last time, because now i really really regret it.

    good day to all (:

    Oh, actually i have some stuffs about pugilistic to type here. It's about the recent conflict, i dont know if i should even say anything because it is the vice president getting angry at his members. I dont know what to do, i do feel some sort of, sometimes i like going to pugi, and most of the times, i dont. Most of the times when i go, i just stay quiet, because i dont know what to say to the rest of the people. First up, i feel very suffocated there sometimes, because sometimes, i feel that what i see and what i hear is just so completely different. I am scared to adapt to a new point of view as this person, when i have seen him/her in that light for so long. It's like, you see this person as someone who is nice you know, someone who is different but nice and fun to be with. Then someone splashes you with this idea that the particular someone has just betrayed you, and you feel really shocked. Thats what happened to me, and when i dont show it, it just doesnt make me a hypocrite, it just makes me a weakling, because i wanna just ask him/her you know, why this happened and such, but i never have the courage to. I will learn to be the anything type. I will learn to be like weiliang/jieyang. Because they are the real happy ones.

    I'll never do anything that will make me sad or mad or angry again. Whatever that happens, i will take it as lightly as a pinch of salt. Because noboy has ever heard what i wanna say, nobody has ever taken me seriously, and nobody has ever wana hear my part of the story, so thats it. I searched my conscience today, and i am glad i found it.
    Goodbye.

    Lies and lies and lies.
    All those fucking lies.

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