Saturday, February 7, 2009
8:33 AM
If i should die, think only this of me,
Sometimes when people are given too many chances, they tend to keep believing in that one and only last chance that they keep believing they will have. And most times, these people end up losing what's so very dear and important to them. Hello. I feel like starting a post. my type of post. Sometimes i feel helpess. I feel like i am trying so hard, so so hard to just keep my grades the way they are right now. I feel like i am doing my best, and when people around me puts me down, i feel so uncared for, and so neglected. As though i have been shoved off the edge of earth and left to drown in the black abyss called Universe. This is, definitely, a childish feeling which i obviously cant seem to shake off. And when you feel neglected, you feel like the entire world has wronged you. You feel this perplexing confusion, this frowning frustration, and this apocalyptic anger, and the popular "why" floats right up to the top of your mind and leaves you hanging by that one question. Hanging on a thread. And i try my best to keep my sanity, and the virtuous patience which i doubt i have but i try to think i have sometimes, and i get more confused and frustrated because i just cant seem to retain them. You constantly try to explore the way people act, and why they think of you in that manner. You try to suss them out, try to decipher them, but to no avail. The confusion just keeps piling on, like layers of dust to be swept away, and all you require is that one broom that can rid your mind of all that dirt and leaves some space to plant new seeds and watch them grow in your mind again. I guess thinking really is an activity that gives me great headaches. Now and then, i try to come up with my own conclusions as to why people like you, behave like that, talk like that, feel like that. Maybe it really is the immense difference, no two can ever be the perfect same peas, thats probably why i can never figure out. Or another conviction is that i am just plain stupid. But i do question myself, yet again,even when i have figured you out, how do i feel for you, what are you to me, and have i ever been someone you want in your life. What exactly am i trying to get the answer to, i dont have a clue either. I just know this, that is, i am looking for the figure of importance in me life, and this, i know why. Anyway, i'll end that entire questionings and all the rar rar blah blah that has been swirling in my mind since forever. I have just found out that i have got gastric flu, which explains for the pangs of pains in my tummy now and then. I guess it really is difficult to recover, unless i make it a point to eat on time, and to take medication. I hate medicine ; Do i sound like a childish kid? Cant help it when the medicine taste that Awful. Recently, it had been a busy week, and i foresee continuous weeks of busy days. IIronically, these busy days seem to take away most of my thoughts. With the lethargy, it just makes it so difficult to keep up with my thoughts, i fell asleep the moment i shut my eyes. Yet, i feel happy, as though my days are being lived, to the Fullest. Goodnight.