I guess most humans are asleep right now. It's chinese new year eve, and it is 435 in the morning. I should be asleep now, but i cant. I am kinda tired but for some reason, once i close my eyes, i cant bring myself to sleep. I dread tomorrow.If my sister ever sees this, she's gonna say something along those lines that says that i am weak and blah blah. To put it across bluntly, dear eileen, this will be the first chinese new year that you have to spend without someone you love that is about your own age.Arggg, i cant find the word for boyfriend.Anyway, yes i do admit that before those years when i had someone to spend it with that made me so look forward to it, i actually just spent my new year with my family. But the thing is, i cant remember how i spent new year already, without having that someone around.I feel like i have nothing to do, nothing to look forward to, nothing to make me smile. Yeah, you might think im speaking sme hyperbole but i dont feel so.Today's reunion dinner at my mother's side was bad. I finished the dinner in 5 miniutes as i only shovelled plain rice into my mouth and emptied the bowl in a mere few minutes. Then i just sat there, and.. stared blankly into space. Then i just listened to music as i look up into the dark sky, then down at the tree.The tree that has this shape of the heart.Damn, such a forlorn feeling which i hate hate hate.My sister says i am weak for i am unable to bear with such feelings. But, we are really different. She has got friends she can confide in, even in her poly years. I have friends, and yet, i have no friends. Sheesh, i know if i typed the above line here, it will probably spoil the friendships i have with anyone. But thats not what i mean. What i feel is, sometimes, it is really hard to find someone who understands you completely, and when you talk to them, you really really really, sincerely, genuinely, feel better after that. You know? You dont? Then it is okay.I know im conducting a really monotonous monologue here all by myself. Gee, what fun entertainment. I really should go to bed lest i wake up tomorrow and find myself looking like a panda.Putting that all aside, come to think of it, i really really miss those really random SMSes saying i love you. I guess those were probably the sweetest lovely days of my life. So far.Chinese New Year already. I really must Lighten Up My Mood.Goodnight, or you can say, goodmorning.(& i have to pretend that i dont care.)Labels: like i could sing along.