Thursday, November 20, 2008
5:57 AM
a long sad ... story
Today i learnt something new. It took me a few seconds to digest this entire new knowledge that i have. Someone told me," when you tell your secrets to others, they cant actually offer you any useful help, and 0n the contrary, you are actually sort of like, burdening them with your secrets." I didnt know, i always tell people close to me, my feelings, my thoughts. Suddenly, im told that this behavior is what everybody will clearly identify as selfish. Which i realise it is indeed true. So, im making a promise to myself, that i'll never burden anyone with my secrets ever again. I'll keep mum, stay quiet, and crack jokes. It's like a whole new perspective i got, and to think i, such a deep thinker i carved myself out to be, actually neglected that simple little fact. When Nicholas told me about it, i felt like, oh, man, how come i never ever thought of that? And i thought of times when i confided in people, and how they are actually carrying a loaf of heavy bread that they cannot digest, nor, belong to them. And blogging? I dont know either, im currently very confused. I have the ability to draw I have the ability to write many many nice poems I have the linguistic ability of english. Yet, i lack courage. I lack the courage to actually admit to myself that i have none of it. Nil, zilch, zero. If im quiet, it just means one thing, Im trying to sort out my thoughts, Im tired already, i am very clumsy recently. I cut my finer with a pen knife accidentally while trying to help Yizhe cut the trashbags. I think he is really very tired, i hope he gets enough sleep, and so do i hope the same for the rest of the team. Hope he wont feel guilty either for you know, the cut, because he helped me with a plaster just now. Thank you. And i found myself having bruises on my limbs, so many of them i couldnt remember how i got them ): I am tired, my back hurts, my neck hurts. I slept on the sofa yesterday the entire night, i didnt have the energy to walk to the room. ): Just now, i played basketball with my brother, and it was fun. I vented my frustrations, i sweat-ed everything out, and it'd probably be the last basketball before i leave for Yunnan. Thanks for playing with me. Goodnight guys, im so tired.
Wow, im so scared of this feeling. Whats this that im feeling again?