Promos is just round the corner, and i dont know if i should blog. But here i am, blogging away happily. Sounds kinda dumb, but i just dont know. why i want to. I feel so stupid for breaking down yesterday. I didnt know what happened to me, and i cant say that Stress is working itself on me, because i dont really think it is stress. I was in the library yesterday when i suddenly became very quiet. No jokes could make me laugh, and i grew all solemn and did my functions tutorial. Piano, Lc, and sher are all trying to make me laugh by saying funny things, but i really cant bring myself to laugh.
And i lied to piano, saying i was quiet because of stress. Im so sorry.
I didnt know what trigger me to stop talking, when im always the most talkative one. Probably, i was reminded of the past by Piano. I remember, yesterday, i was telling her how difficult parametric differentiation is, and she said, " its so easy!"
And then, i had felt so stupid, like someone who cant make it for JC, and yet, still stupidly indulge herself in the fantasy that she can make it. I felt so dumb, felt so worthless. I dont blame her. She's not the one thats making me sad. I just felt sad when i suddenly thought of those secondary 4 days, when i told rasina the same thing, " differentiation is so difficult!"
And she'll say those funny and ridiculous things that i'll burst out laughing.
And thats when all the nostalgia came back, those suitcases of neatly packed up memories i thought would not haunt me.
On the way home in the bus, i shut my eyes as my mp3 continued to play. Tears welled up, but since my eyes were closed, they did not tumble down my cheeks. I felt like this really stupid and weak person who just kept clinging on to the past.
Memories came back to me, all together. I was reminded of what happened when i felt so sad in sec 4, and gavin and rasina were laughing happily, when i suddenly cried. I remember they wanted to laugh, but they held their laughter and handed me kleenex. Lol, i cried, and then laughed when i saw their really funny faces!
I guess im too emotional. I got to look at things on the bright side, and look Forward.
I dont wanna be the same weak person i used to be.
I hope mistakes will make me stronger, and i'll move on from wherever i am, right now.
But no matter what, you, and everyone else, will forever be a part of me.
Oh yeah, i miss Glen's voice, and his phone calls. I feel myself go real disappointed these two days when my phone didnt ring at 1230. But i really hope to see him soon.
He is one of the people in my life that constantly reminds me never to take things for granted, and me to cherish whatever i have, and look on the bright side of life.
Ultimately, one cant live a life of complaints, and sobs.
We live to laugh, and we laugh to live.
Goodnight, and all the best for promos and a levels everyone!
Yours sincerely,
me.Labels: love; somewhere i thought i'll never be.