Sunday, August 24, 2008
6:51 AM
Fly me to the moon, and let me play among the stars
It's drawing nearer and nearer, the promos, i mean. I will definitely study for it, i will, its just a matter of when, and whether will i get to complete the studying before promos come. I am afraid of retaining, i feel like going up to mom and dad,and telling them i wanna drop out. I know they'll say im under too much stress, and eventually, i know they'll allow me to drop out, because they say its my life, whatever i do, they'll support me. But i really dont wanna disappoint them, they went through alot to educate me, and im just waiting to break apart because i cant handle all these studying shit. You know, im really not cut out to be those really mugger and excel people. Im those kinda mugger, and get normal, maybe slightly lower than normal results. The value i have, that i wrote down on my trading card is " optimism". it is something i will not exchange even in the face of any terrible catastrophe. I feel hypocritical all of a sudden, because i feel like im not optimistic anymore. Zzzz, jieyang's xiao chou yu is really making me very sad. I say, " i know you'll all miss me when i go to china.." Dad says, " yeah, definitely." dad says, " you'll miss my birthday.." i say, " i know, i'll call you.." Phonecalls will never replace being there. Despite all the anticipation in going to china, i will miss my family, my home, my warmly xanadu ( sister taught me this word ). Today is a family day, the best i ever had in weeks, months. I love my family, no matter how wacky we are, no matter how we may not be like any other ideal family. Friends. I really dont know what to say. I dont want to say anything anymore. I will not say anything im unsure of. Silence is the best rhapsody? I dont know. I really dont know. I just wanna say something though, RASINA! YOU'LL ALWAYS BE IN MY HEART OHKAYS! We dont say that to each other girl, but i hope you know that i know you're the best and that i know you know that you care for me too. Sorry, wordplay not intended. Nanyang Junior College. I dont belong. If someone were to ask me what school im in, i'll say, " damai." Because thats where all the friendships build up, where the love starts, where teachers are teachers and not some shit asses who bring you down with goddamn fucked up words. Where the love starts, i remember. Joseph. I cant deny that fact that i do still think of those days when we were together. A year plus has passed, but it's not gonna erase my memory. I still remember the incident when i was walking from the bus stop to my house, and i was walking across the carpark when i fell and blood was oozing out from my leg. I remember i called you immediately and cried while telling you about it. I felt so stupid, but then you never failed to make me feel better. I still remember the much missed times when we'll hang out together during saturday nights, when i'll meet you at bedok reservoir, and we'll lie on the grass and watch the stars, and you, listening to my really stupid nonsensical stuffs about those faraway lights on the other side of the reservoir. When you'll walk me back home, and sometimes, i'll sing the " when the saints go marching in" song as we marched down the reservoir. And a time when we ran back to my house from the reservoir because i had to go home, and we were late, and we just ran all the way, you pulling me because you're a much faster runner than me. And our first time together at lower seletar reservoir during the first day of chinese new year. We discovered the reservoir by accident, and it was such a beautiful place. And it'll always be. Not a doubt. And tatty's still, on my bed, with me, every single day. And mister blue bear is safely in my cupboard. I still remember the funny time when we did the class noticeboard together, drawing the many fairytales combined together! Then we got paint all over our hands, then you went into the girls' toilet with me, and washed the paint off my hands. And us wearing similar watches. I still keep the drawings on the noticeboard, and i'll never throw them away. And us walking back to my house, with no umbrellas even though it was raining, and you passing me the gift - the november figurine from precious thots. And, me, being able to receive your chocolates every month. From cocoa trees. Thank you so much. You all dont know why im writing all these. Its just me ndulging in reminiscene. You cant blame me. The present life is really too much to handle, and i really prefer to live in the past. Though that is not possible, because everyone moved on, and i cant just, remained in the past no matter how wonderful the ups and downs feel. I miss every single thing i used to do, i used to have, and i want them back in my life. But thats really not possible, because everything will be just a beautiful memory that i'll always have, and nothing, nothing can replace that memory. Because its you me, and all those who have come and go in that phase of my life. Eileen, cheer up, you still have your optimism that tomorrow will be a brighter day, ohkays? No matter how tough everything is, dont give up. =D smile. Hold on, if you feel like letting go, hold on, it gets better than you know.