Tuesday, July 1, 2008
5:16 AM
miserable life , and one promise.
Today had been a very, a totally, extremely, miserable day. Seriously, i was totally angry, sad, miserable, and i felt so helpless. I went home after doing some shit PW, took the bus home with haniffa, sleeping so comfortably in the bus. I didnt even wake up only when i felt that i was reaching my stop. And i felt so cosy snuggling in the corner of the bus, hugging the laptop, and sleeping. I always feel very safe when i sleep in bus, only when my friends are with me, you know, like haniffa, and gavin. But, sadly, gavin, well, they are volatile already, like what haniffa think as well. Estranged, thats what you may call the relationship between us and gavin, maybe even huiting. PW means so much to them, that everything is about PW. Probably, its because i dont share the views of "fun" PW. Nopes, Sorry, my idea of having a life definitely does not revolve around PW. One thing worthy to note, PW can just fuck off. Too bad if your eyes are already popping out of your eye sockets because of my F word. I really dont give a damn. Call me angst-y if you must, but honestly, if you think im the meek and gentle, or quiet girl you think i am, probably you can think again. Yeahs, so why am i so depressed right now? It was because after i alighted the bus, i reached home only to find that i didnt bring my keys, and i was locked out. Trust me, it had happened to me only a number of times before, and i felt so stunned, and completely lost. The saddest thing was, there wasnt anybody, no family member i could turn to, to rescue me this time. So, i went to my uncle's house, took a bus down, to look for my grandmother there in the hope that she can pass me her keys and i can go home. Unfortunately, her keys were with my brother, who was at his friend's house, and i felt so damned. Especially when i walked in the rain, got my whole body drenched, and caught a cold, got lost, walked around the blocks of flats, got honked by vehicles, stepped onto muddy puddles, and yeah, i didnt get the keys. fuckfuckfuckfuck. So i went to my uncle's house, went to my cousin's room, and set up the laptop. The sad part? I couldnt connect to the internet. All these shit, and i eventually fell asleep listening to songs on the laptop, i think im really hooked onto the songs - Leavin'- Jesse McCartney, Suppose- Secondhand Serenade, and Gone going - Black eyed Peas. I woke up at 635, after having slept for half an hour, and i went home to meet my brother, and he opened the door FINALLY. How i miss the cosy confines of my home sweet home. I was so hungry throughout the whole day, i had an ice cream at 11, thats all. Tired, cold, and hungry, i am not exactly a patient and happy person this time. Today, the POPPINS!' group was quite emotional, everybody felt so sad. For Anna, well, i cant say why she feel sad, maybe i know, and maybe i dont. For yemin, it's because he found out he got among the lowest for Chemistry, for marven, he seemed alright, probably just tired. Z-win came late, dont really know how he felt. Me? I felt exasperated, sad, and angry as to why im wasting my time on PW. I hate this shit, no kidding. PW- sucks. This shit piece of ass, draining away my life, wasting away my time, every single second. Freaking hell. Oh, i mentioned about a promise? Yes, i promise, i will not quit pugilistic, no matter how much i want to see Mdm tan blow her top and hit the ceiling if i do. This is because the number of pugilistic members are left with only 4? 5? I promise i wont quit, no matter how much scolding i get from Mdm Tan, no matter how much i hate doing certain stuffs in the CCA, and no matter how sometimes, i totally dont understand what the Jiao Lian is saying. I will stay in Pugilistic, for as long as it remains a CCA in NanyangJC. This is because, the J2s pugilistic members treated me as one, they care for me when i fell from grace, and they stick around by me to make sure i am alright, and they smile, and grin, at me, just to give me a sort of affirmation, assurance. I am touched by what they have done, and are still doing for me. I will not let them down, thus, i will continue to remain in Pugilistic, and do my best hmmms? This is a promise i made, and i've already hooked my pinkies with Haniffa, so, i wont back out. Friends come and go in your life, and nope, not anything cliche. i just feel that, i dont seem to hang around much with the secondary school friends in NanyangJC already. And im 100percent sure, im not the volatile one. Haniffa and i always tried to include huiting and gavin in anything we can. However, things require two parties to work out, i dont see them putting in efforts to remain friends this times, however, the MSTERS stood by, thick and thin. I do not agree with haniffa, about how JC friends are temporary friends. I believe in my friendship with the MSTERS, as well as with Karen, and some others too. Just something, i know who im talking about here, but you may, or you may not know. I just wanna say, please be true to yourself, and to people around you. Please stop being so competitive, this is JC, there're so much backstabbing and all, and for all i know, you may also be the one backstabbing me too. Who knows? But one thing's for sure, i have never lied to you, and i hope you'll stop lying to me too. Im not the only one who feels this way, we dont want to disgrace you, thus, we wont tell you. Just, seriously, you gotta start being true. And dont always think of winning everyone, just help one another out, because, remember, when you needed help, we were there for you. So, stop being selfish, act your age, not your shoe size. Hope you'll have a broader mindset, and stop being so self centered. Which brings me to this, really, if you're reading this now, Rasina, i miss you so, We need to meet up soon, i need you to cheeer me up again, because you'll always be the funny face in my life.