Sometimes, i wonder, that maybe i've been too contented with myself, of who i am. Im so ordinary, so simple. And maybe, i am just too contented. Sometimes, words that people say, that dont think they've mae an impact. Well, at least, not for them. But you know, those words may hurt someone, and those words will stay in their minds for as long as they are able to convince themselves that those words are not true. Sadly for me, no matter how much i try to convince myself, or you can say, deceiving myself, that its not true, i cant. What she said, the whole scenario, its like im watching the scenario of whats happening from afar, as the whole thing is being played in my mind. how i could just say it to her face that im not, but i cant. how much i wanted to shut her up with my confidence about this whole thing, about us, about me. But i didnt, i couldnt. All i did was some cowardly act of burying my head in my arms and listened to music as the assembly continued. I pretended i didnt give a damn about what she said. I joked, i laughed, i talked. I fooled around. It's like back in secondary schooldays, where i'd put on a facade, pretended sad things dont matter, and continue with joking and all. But i know, that last time, if i ever do put on a freaking happy mask, Rasina will know. she'll ask me whats wrong and all, and i'd not feel so damn alone, because i know, at least, someone can see through those smiles i put on, and being able to see through those plastered emotions, she is able to be there, lend a ready ear, and everything, a simple pat on the back, a hug, or even a smile. Naw. not in this school. I can pretend all i want, and nobody will know. I want to, and i wish to, erase those things she said from my mind, her accusations, her harsh tone, and her choice of words. But i couldnt. Because the fact is, i really dont know. Im so doubtful, not of you. Of myself. Im lousy and inferior. Im nothing, and im a nobody. Im not someone thats good enough, as in, im 16, and most girls this age will do normal things, like you know, They are capable of: Dressing up nicely, which i cant. My taste in fashion is horrendous. Wearing high heels, which i cant. I'll either break the heels, or my limbs. Wearing make up, whcih i cant, because i absolutely hate layers of those powder and glitter on my face, Wearing accesories, which i cant. because i hate the irritating feeling of those dangling things around my neck, hands or what not. And i dont have any talents. I dont play guzheng. I dont dance. I dont play the piano. Im weak. Im short. And you're the opposite of me, You are: Tall. Built from singapore youth flying club, which means you have a license in piloting skilled in taekwondo able to do splits able to play piano very well. See. Inferior me. Maybe, thats what i've been saying from the beginning that, well, im just too simple. Too easily contented with the life i have. Or maybe im ignorant. Her words still stuck in my head like glue, and there's nothing i can do to erase them. Promised you i'll not think about it. but right now, im so traumatized by it, im miserable. Misery seems like a stranger nowadays, seeing the fact that im always usually happy in school because of you. but now, its coming back. I wish to be able to do something to get my mind off whatever im thinking. My feelings, such inexplicable sadness, i feel so degraded in a sense. i degrade myself. God, i think im not gonna think. STOP STOP STOP. Im going insane. Im going to sleep. And maybe, i'll not think about anything else. Im coming back later to do my PW, so well, hopefully, i'll be a little bit more clear-headed and post about the happy Pugilistic celebration yesterday. Happy my foot, when throughout, i was still thinking about HER WORDS! OMFG. stop. im not gonna think. Shush. im gonna calm down. I'll go to sleep, and dream. of you taking me to the skies in a plane, and looking at clouds. I'll look forward to it,