Thursday, May 29, 2008
3:20 AM
Appearance VS Reality.
I dont show what i feel. I dont show what i do. I dont go around telling people about the great things i have, the great things im made of, the great things i've done.
Seriously, who am i to think of what i've been doing as great, altruistic even? And who are you to judge me on whether the things i've done, whether they're altruistic or not?
Ultimately, we're born not to judge, nor are we born to be judged. People are as they are, and you can judge all you want if you can define the meaning of 'you', And i dont mean any fking crap.
Okay, fine. I AM SUPER MOODY. Its times like this, like when im feeling so helpless and locked out of the house because i forgot my keys that i actually wish for someone to be there for me. And i really mean it. Was really really, deep down, very depressed that you didnt even bother to msg me,
I know you're sick. Your braces are giving you the problems, Blood in ears, yeahs, those sorts. But, is a reply really gonna kill you, or what? I even tried calling, but i gave up. Whats the point? forget it man.
Whats a special you if the person cant be there for you, and i dont confine that to physically, to share your weals, your woes? Seriously, now tell me whats love between a guy and a girl? I just dont get it. Maybe im just plain stupid. Whatever.
Well, Thanks piano! you accompanied me throughout the entire time while i was waiting for my brother to come home, and open the door for me, thanks, seriously, i really appreciate you replying to my messages! I shall not let Msters down! I'll design a nice tee for us, multi colours! And yeahs, you , visha and i seriously have got some kinda telepathy! We cut our hair at the same time! and Yups, i wanna let my hair curl again. reckon it'll save a hell load of time, and at the same time, i'll feel light-headed, literally.
And thanks brother eugene! You saved me by rushing back home from the library with your friends and opening the door for me! that was really noble! thanks thanks! Appreciated.
Sure, i may be uber moody, well, lets call it sad. But its small little things that people do which reminds me that im not alone in this world. the world, is afterall, not that cold a place. Small little things like :
when i go to the fridge to get a cup of chin chow and saw mom's note on the fridge, saying " Welcome home with sweet memories, love, mum! " when i saw Piano's funny messages and encouragement telling me that tomorrow will be a better day. When i see tatty face down on my bed because i've woken up so hurriedly this morning that i displaced it off its usual resting place above my pillow.
All these small little things make me smile.
Im grateful, for all the small things(:
Oh yeahs, Msters outing shifted! hahas, most of us couldnt make it this month so we're going next month! YAY! I really like this bunch of friends.
And, oh, really wanna talk about something here.
Anna, Marven, yemin and i were waiting at the mac near NYJC for Z-win to come, because we needed a laptop to do our PW. We sort of, had a bonding session, talking and eating, and it was a really, first first time that our PW group met up, and it was also the first first time that we talked so heartily! It wasnt the laugh-alot-talk like i usually had with the Msters, it was those kinda first time talking talks, and i was quite surprised by something Burmese aka Yemin said. He told us that his mom passed away when he was in primary 6. and at that time, he wasnt in Burma with her, he was in singapore, taking his PSLE.His mom was dying,and his family members didnt even tell him about it since they didnt wanna distract him from his examinations, ( kinda like something from the chinese textbook) And his mom suffered from Stomach cancer, he knew her condition was kinda critical, and he rushed home upon the end of PSLE. But when he reached home, it was too late. she had already passed away. Initially, he couldnt register that into his mind, and he didnt cry. However, he told us that upon seeing the video and the photos of the funeral, he bawled. But he didnt really stay that emotional, and i was thinking, wow, thats heartless! But he told me that, he's been away from his mom most of the time, away from his entire country, as he's in singapore with his sister and the rest of the family's in Burma. And he said that he's not that emotionally dependent on his mom, not like me, because i've been with my family all my life.
I can understand that, and i really dont blame him. but his story, thats really a sad one, i felt myself pitying him, i dont know why. rest in peace, yemin's mom.
Which is why, i say, many things in life, the small things, they really open my eyes to things i've really been oblivious to, and make me appreciate what i have.
Thank you family. Thank you friends. thank you everyone.
You make the world a better place, for me.
Eileen should start to appreciate more, and not take any more things for granted.