An enthusiastic greeting. Thats all i can manage. Sorry, you shouldnt expect too much from me. I'll tell you something. someone tells me i need a boyfriend. A person who can accompany me always, instead of stupidly just writing whatever i feel into this blog, i should like get someone to always be there and share my problems and happiness. Laugh together with me, and yay! happily ever after.
I dont think so.
I told that person, nobody wants me! and that person says, who says nobody wants you?
I said it so myself.
and that person says, you must fight for your own happiness.
So, i thought, to what extent? Wont fighting results in people getting hurt? Yeah, it does. Of course many people dont know about that. sometimes, you may think something is easy, you know. But actually, what you're looking at is just the surface. There's something much more than that. Nobody wanna get hurt, just like how the ants do not wish to die. So, who am i to go and pursue my so called happiness at the expense of others? It's just not meant to be.
No matter how i wish i can get to be with someone. I wont say it. Because i dont wanna destroy anything, be it, the friendship between us, or whatever.
and i console myself, always with this story. A story i thought of myself since the day my series of unfortunate events began.
It goes like this: ( dont mind, it's in dribs and drabs) This owner has got a super cute and pretty pencil holder. And also a really ugly pencil holder.
OH, Iskandar just msn me! Because my personal message on msn is : " yes i want somebody else's company too." He msn-ed me with this ," yes, you can have my company, you can be my friend." Thats so sweet.
Oh yeah, so im the ugly pencil holder. The owner is not willing to put anything into the pretty and cute pencil holder for fear that the pencil tips will dirty the holder. So, he put the pencils into the ugly pencil holder. The ugly pencil holder do not mind. instead, it is happy that it can be of help to the owner, and glad that the owner did not throw it to one side and totally abandon it.
It applies the same to me.
I'll be the subtle ugly pencil holder. I'll be there to listen to the problems and your troubles. Maybe the pretty pencil holder can be your girl or anyone else you do not wanna bring down with your troubles. So, i'll be there and listen, glad that at least you confide in me and not throw me to one side.
So, yups, everytime i think of this story, miraculously, i'll feel better. you know, in a way like, " at least i can be there..."
thats the good part of my wild imagination. to think i can actually link myself to pencil holders. Well.
Next, grousings. my class. IT SUCKS.
Okay, oh my! did i just say my class sucks? well, i think i have but i dont care. thats how i feel! I feel sad. For the class. And maybe, for myself. There is totally no bonding in the class, so much so, to be truthful, i dont wish that i belong there. I miss 4E1 so much. 4E1 is like so much more bonded compared to 0802.
0805 is bonded too. Thats why, usually in the mornings, i will sit with 05 instead because the people there are like so nice. E.G. Kun beng, hui ting, Gavin , shi min, ellene, Michelle. and so on. Even the teachers say our class is like each person is so alone. Totally no bonding. I used to think im the only one who feels this way, so i try my best to mingle more with a class that is not responding.
And then i realise, no! Im not the only one. Haniffa feels it too. And i dont blame anna for wanting to hang out with her AMK friends. No, i miss all my friends too. The only people in 0802 i tend to hang out with will be, Yuan Xin, Lee Chia, Haniffa, jia xin, hui yi, shirlene and Visha. Thats all. I like hanging out with yuan Xin and gang, she makes me laugh so much.
Or maybe i just am trying my very best to laugh more so that i can project a happy image. Im like, just deluding myself. Laughing so hard. Who am i trying to kid? i dont know.
And there's chemistry tomorrow! Oh, the horrors! GERDA HUANG!!! im so miserable , i dont wanna see her. She so likes to pick on me. Nevermind.
what sucks? Being in a class thats not responding? Or, being picked on by a fat bitch?
HAHA. So not funny, both sucks equally.
Im so not happy. so so so not happy. Still gotta mug for chemistry! i like atomic structure, but i hate Redox and the mole mole thingy!! So exasperating.
No matter what, i'll try to be happy happy in school. Even if it means a facade. Because i cant be happy always, but i dont wanna bring my friends down. SO, yeah.
Im happy with my results for running, i ran 3 rounds in 6 minutes 55 seconds. Im also happy for the first time in my life, about my standing board jump, i did it, got a D, 160!! ( its so irregular! i always fail!) , and my inclined, im able to do 7 in a shot! YAY.
and about the class problem? I dont care too. Im not gonna try and mingle anymore.
See a girl with her earphones on. she might not wanna hear what you wanna say.