thats the state im in now. in a state of agony. a series of event had happened just now, and i feel that i must put it down because...i want to remember. its the first time my dad ever raised his hand to strike me with his palm. i was accused of being rude to my mother when it wasnt. it was just a misunderstanding, but he wouldn't listen. he raised his hand and was gonna leave a mark on my left cheek when i moved. i wanted so badly to cry. it feels as though the whole world had turned against me. my mom, she didnt even care. she's too bust watching tv. chewing the insides of my mouth to prevent myself from bursting, i tried to stand there and listen to his lecture. he raised his voice at me. screamed at me. yelled. Accused. i grabbed my phone and ran out of the door. ran all the way to the reservoir and sat down there to wallow. after awhile, my sister called me. she told me to come home. i didnt want to, but i remember. i remember that today's their 20th year anniversary. they have been married for 20 years already. reluctantly, i ran home, sneaked into the bathroom the moment i reached and took a bath. i think my father figured out that it's a misunderstanding, and he tried to make it up during dinner. but i couldnt eat. i felt so sad. because at the point in time when nobody's there for me, i thought of you and sms-ed you. you didnt even reply me. you told me you'd be there if something happens to me. not physically, but you can offer at least some encouraging words? no. throughout the entire dinner, i felt so miserable. all i wanted to do was to creep into my bed, hug tatty and cry. but i cant. i promised to watch a family movie with them. i have to. its their anniversary. who am i to destroy that kinda golden family moment? never have i felt so neglected and lonely...