hmmm, i think im free. free from those times when i get all sad and weepy over someone. and the last time i felt it was after prom. the departure and all that was so sad. but i have faith in keeping contacts with my friends, so im not that affected. i hope my friends will make an effort to keep ties with me too. its just the same one person. i dont think i will be able to still talk to you, or to put it simply. i dont think we can keep in touch. its difficult. because as you said, it haunts you to be in my presence. it so difficult to talk to you when you dont seem to want to reciprocate. we aint even friends, thats the saddest part. so lets just say i'll lock those bittersweet memories of us up yeah?
before that, i always had plenty of nightmares. i had my dreams. in my dreams, everything felt so damn right. i got all i want, or desire. and it felt so good. the nightmares were when i woke up. and realised that everything was just a dream. and it kills me. now, i still dream of the happy stuffs. but when i wake up nowadays, i dont feel that sad anymore that every thing's just a dream. because i have already accepted the fate that god had in store for me.
yesterday, i brought back home with me, jellybeans from cocoa trees. and i gave them to my brother. the look on his face was probably the thing that made me come to the realization that i had been neglecting my family and had centered my care selfishly on one person. i felt horrible. he was shocked, but happy. i didnt mind him gobbling up everything. because last time whenever he asked me for candy or chocolates, i would not give him any. it was because those candies or chocolates came from special someone. i felt so selfish.
i need to care for my family more. cheers to eileen. she has been enlightened. (: